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The “CLOD” Economic Recovery Plan

NOTICE

This is NOT a polictial announcement.

You older Saigon Kids will undoubtedly recall the somewhat eccentric beatnik non-conformist group known as “The Clods”. You’ll also recall The Clods were renown for their unconventional wisdom and practical simple solutions concerning worldly affairs.

I’m sure you have all heard about the Financial Bail Out (how could you not, it seems to be the only thing the news media can find to talk about) which is preventing our elected representatives to Congress from departing Washington for there Autumn leaves vacation recess.

The Clods, being concerned Americans, find that we can no longer stand on the side lines and do nothing. Particularly, considering the suffering our Congress members are experiencing by being required to remain in Washington until the Financial Bail Out matter is resolved.

Therefore, in the interest of all Americans (particularly Saigon Kids) The Clods have answered the call … stepping forward to put an end to the Financial Bail Out dilemma puzzling our esteemed Congress.

The Clods convened (in secret session) at the Phoenix Bar in Saigon last evening. After a refreshing round of Ba Muoi Ba, Clod leader Big Bob called the Clod Congress assembly to order at 10:20 p.m. by tapping his empty 33 bottle on the table (indicating to Taxi Girl Clodette Susie Q to serve up another round of Ba Muoi Ba).

Under Old Business – Clod Roy introduced a motion to the floor for another round of Ba Muoi Ba. Motion was seconded by Clod Frank, and carried unanimously (without discussion).

The Clod Congress then moved on to the urgent matter (and, purpose for this special session of the Clod Congress) of the Financial Bail Out facing America.

After about 10 minutes of deep thought, and drawing on their collective wisdom, they penned (on the bar napkins) the following economic recovery plan for America.

THE CLOD ECONOMIC RECOVERY PLAN

We, The Clods, are against the $85,000,000,000.00 bailout of AIG.

Instead we, The Clods, are in favor of giving $85,000,000,000 to America in the form of a “We Deserve It Dividend”.

To keep the math simple, let’s assume there are 200,000,000 bonafide U. S. Citizens age 18+.

Our population is about 301,000,000 +/- counting every man, woman and child. So 200,000,000 should be a fair stab at adults 18 and up … (bring us another round of Ba Muoi Ba)

So divide 200 million adults 18+ into $85 billion which equals $425,000.00.

The Clod “Plan” is to give $425,000.00 to every person age 18+ as a “We Deserve It Dividend”.

Of course, it would NOT be tax free.

So let’s assume a tax rate of 30%.

Every individual age 18+ will have to pay $127,500.00 in taxes.

This will send $25,500,000,000 right back to Uncle Sam.

BUT it means that every adult age 18+ will have $297,500.00 in their pocket, hard cold cash!

A husband and wife will have $595,000.00.

What would you do with $297,500.00 to $595,000.00 in your family treasury?

Pay off your mortgage: Housing crisis solved.

Repay college loans: What a great boost to new grads.

Put away money for college: It’ll be there.

Save in a bank: Create money to loan to entrepreneurs.

Buy a new car: Create jobs.

Invest in the market: Capital drives growth.

Pay for your parent’s medical insurance: Health care improves.

Enable Deadbeat Dads to come clean: Or else.

Now remember this is for every adult U. S. Citizen age 18+, including the folks who lost their jobs at Lehman Brothers and every other company that is cutting back. And of course, for those serving in our Armed Forces.

If we’re going to re-distribute wealth let’s really do it … instead of trickling out a puny $1,000 ( “vote buy” ) economic incentive, as proposed by some of our leaders.

If we’re going to do an $85 billion bail out, let’s bail out every adult U. S. Citizen age 18+ !

As for AIG … liquidate it. Sell off its parts.

Let American General go back to being American General. Sell off the real estate. Let the private sector bargain hunters cut it up and clean it up.

The Clod Congress rationale is:

“We Deserve It” and AIG doesn’t!

Now we, The Clod Congress, realize some may think this is a crazy idea that can ‘never work’. But, can you imagine the coast-to-coast block party! How do you spell Economic Boom?!

We, The Clod Congress, trust our fellow adult Americans to know how to use the $85 billion “We Deserve It Dividend” more then we do the geniuses at AIG or in Washington D.C.

And remember, The Clod Economic Recovery Plan only really costs $59.5 billion because $25.5 billion is returned instantly in taxes to Uncle Sam.

At about 10:30 p.m by unanimous vote and a Ba Muoi Ba toast, the Special Session of the Clod Congress was adjourned to another fine establishment in Saigon known only to The Clods.

Well there you have it folks once again The Clods answered the call to our great nation solving the financial crisis (with their infinite wisdom) in about 10 minutes flat aided only by a few rounds of Ba Muoi Ba served by that cutie taxi girl Clodette Susie Q at the Phoenix Bar.

Don’t you feel better now knowing The Clods have ended the suffering of our esteemed Congress and they can all go home now for their Fall leaves vacation Recess. Not to mention ending the financial crisis perplexing Congress.

Feel free to distribute this to your friends, family, countrymen or women, and anyone else you can pass it off too … it’s either good for a laugh or a tear or a very sobering thought on how to best use $85 Billion of U. S. tax payers money!!!

The Clods,

Toasting to your prosperity from Ba Muoi Ba headquarters, somewhere in a place far far way … Saigon

1 comment to The “CLOD” Economic Recovery Plan

  • Burt Parker

    Good grief! Brilliant! What a spendid idea!! How can I join the Clods? I don’t remember any such a group in my day (1961-1962). Is this a secret underground organization? What are the membership requirements?

    Regards,

    Burt

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